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I lost my nephew a couple of weeks ago. I fell off the face of the earth for a bit but I’m climbing back up. It’s hard to realize that he’s been gone for weeks. It seems just yesterday that I was kissing his forhead saying goodbye for the last time. It was one of the hardest moments of my life. And my life has been a storm of unfortunate events. But none of them were like this. I raised Gaige, I was his favorite aunt but considered myself an additional mother to him. He was my only and favorite nephew. I had big dreams for him. I was convinced he was going to be something great, he was good at everything he did. He skateboarded, snowboarded, break danced, played soccer like a champion and did the best booty shaking I’ve seen from an 8 year old. I didn’t want it to be true, I kept telling myself that he would be ok, but it hit me hard when I flew over to Utah and saw him laying there in a coma. I don’t think it will ever stop hurting. He was the love of my life. And each day is different. Sometimes I’m ok, but then when I get lost in my thoughts, I realize I am never going to see him again in this lifetime. It stops at 8 years old. I’ll never know if he would have fulfilled the hopes and dreams I had for him. I won’t get to see him go to college, grow up to be one of the most handsome boys on earth, I’ll never be able to get my favorite thing in the world, his kiss on my cheek. I’ve gotten back to my life, but when I’m alone it’s different. I’ve got the most amazing friends and family who have helped me get through this. But I’ve always been the strong one, the one who keeps it together and doesn’t break down. So when I’m around people, I am a master of looking ok and I feel ok for a moment. But I get in my car to drive back home and it hits me again. It’s a rollercoaster right now. I catch myself talking to Gaige, asking him about silly things, or his opinion on things and trying to remember everything about him. The thing I am most scared about is running out of memories and forgetting what his face looked like.

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